Like most of you, I'm sure, my life has been a series of new beginnings. I prefer to think of the beginnings instead of the endings. Each new beginning presents an opportunity to take a different turn on life's path, or to continue on your merry way.
Almost all of the significant new beginnings in my life left me with excitement, but also some anxiety and trepidation about what was to come. Quite possibly the only new beginning that did not fill me with as much anxiety as excitement was becoming a mother. I felt ready and willing from the start.
Starting high school was great because I had the opportunity to leave behind the childish harassment (today it would be called bullying) of elementary/middle school. It was scary, though, because I knew no one; I didn't even have the benefit of my brothers in the school because it was an all-girls high school.
I started college half-way through high school. This was especially exciting because it was a full-scholarship and I knew my parents really couldn't afford to pay for this education. It was anxiety-provoking because I was leaving behind an almost familial-like group in my show choir. I was poised to take on more leadership responsibility in the choir and here I was essentially abandoning them to pursue my college career.
Moving to Florida to continue college was a significant beginning. I've now been in the state for about half my life, the other half being spent in my home state of Texas. Florida brought me my first job (a work study position), my completed education (bachelor's degree and two master's degrees, continue education in faith formation), the chance to start my own family, the first steps on my path toward teaching, and helped me continue to develop my persona and become a much more solid individual.
Today I began a new leg of my life journey with the start of a new job. This is the first permanent, full-time position I had in my "career" to date. The majority of my positions have been on contract and/or part-time positions. I'm actually looking forward to turning this opportunity into a truly permanent thing. Stability is something that I sorely need in my life right now. I am, of course, a little anxious because it is a new type of work for me. Yet, I choose to focus on the opportunity this new position represents for me and my daughter.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Friday, May 27, 2016
Thursday, June 11, 2015
A Moment of Humility
There's nothing quite like a moment when you realize you were wrong--either saying something incorrectly, or socially stepping out of bounds--to bring about a sense of humility. I realized this today after an disturbing day at work. It wasn't disturbing because things were horrific, but I did get my eyes opened up quite a bit as to my own behavior. I found that I was spending too much time judging others and complaining about things that didn't go my way than I should have spent minding my own Ps & Qs. Perhaps a little background is in order.
I got a job (finally!), but it's a temporary contract (of course!) with a consulting company. I thought I was hired as a classroom trainer to teach a software program to the employees at the client company. There are 3 companies involved in the mix: my company (the trainers), the software company that built the system, and the client (a large hospital system that has their own MIS department who seems to have a hand in building the system as well). I went into the project assuming that I would have to answer to my company, as they are the ones paying me. So far, the software company has had very little interaction with my team (the trainers and our coordinators, who are all paid by the same consulting company). However, there is a lot of conflicting information coming down to us as we teach the classes. Our manager sends down information, sometimes to all of us, sometimes just to our coordinators. On top of that, the manager of the project at the hospital is giving us directives. On top of THAT, the MIS team at the hospital feels the need to dictate things to us about how we teach the classes. My biggest problem is that I can honestly see the world through all of these different lenses. I understand why they are all involved in telling us what to do. I even understand why they feel the need to tell us what they do (when they feel like telling us directly instead of expecting us to read their minds). Unfortunately, this doesn't make it any more palatable. It's a little disquieting when we are told to teach the classes in our own personal style on one hand, and then told to not make any improvisations or adjustments to the classes on the other hand. I can adapt to either demand, but not at the same time. I'm feeling like a chameleon being asked to match a plaid pattern. Maybe I'm missing something in the instructions.
When I joined I was afraid that I would be the baby on the project. On my first day, which was one to two weeks after the rest of the team started, we introduced ourselves and stated our experiences. In the whole room, I felt that I was the only one for whom this was "my first rodeo" because, though my education in I/O psychology trained me in the science and theory of corporate training (among other things in the workforce), I never actually had a job to do any consulting or corporate training. I also have no experience working with hospitals. The training team consists of people who have trained professionally in software, law enforcement, and/or clinical electronic systems. The team also had many people who had experience with this hospital system directly or who had clinical backgrounds themselves. I truly felt that I would have to fight to prove myself in the arena. I was worried that they would drop me early on, and I think they felt the same way. The original consulting manager actually asked me what I was doing there! I got a couple calls from my recruiter at the company in my first week that sounded as if she expected me to jump ship immediately because I didn't belong! It hurts just thinking about it. For two weeks I was tossed around from team to team as they tried to decide to which of the seven sites to send me. It felt like no one wanted me on their team because everything was already decided before my hiring paperwork was completed and I was seen as just another useless warm body thrown into the mix.
We went through two weeks of training as we learned the system ourselves so that we could teach it to the employees at the hospital. The truth is, our "training" was more like beta-testing the software and the training materials they hospital staff was developing for the end-users. I quickly proved that I could learn the information and teach it back. I may even have become something of a teacher's pet. That was not my intention. I am always hungry to learn new things and when I learn something I want to share it. I may not get something immediately, but as an INTJ, I sometimes have to have things sit in the back of my mind before the flashes of insight come through and I make the connections. Unfortunately, I fear I started to appear as too much of a know-it-all to many of the rest of the team. One of the trainers actually snapped at me when we were told that we were supposed to be training in the first week when we thought the SMEs were supposed to be teaching. I don't remember exactly what I said, maybe I had too much confidence in my knowledge because I did pipe up to help out in the super user class that day. He said something about not everyone learning the information completely like I did. He quit the next day. After today, I started looking back on my experiences during our training. I see now that moments in which I thought I was being helpful by answering questions that others had were actually moments in which I should have kept my mouth shut and let the "right person" answer the question. I received a good number of dirty looks any time I tried to help someone else. I realize it was not my place. The ones training us were supposed to answer ALL questions; it was not my place to help anyone. I step on too many toes at times, even if I think I'm helping, sometimes even if all I'm doing is being confident.
Today I was called away from my original assignment to teach a major class at another site. We have a couple of one-hour classes for techs and their managers, a couple of two-hour classes for specific departments, and one five-hour class for the group who will probably be using the software more than anyone else. This last one is the one I consider to be the major class. I honestly felt like I was coming to the rescue of the site, and that's how the request was relayed to me, by coming to teach the five-hour class. When I got there, though I was told that I was "in charge" because it was my class, I got the distinct feeling that I was an invader into their space. There were three "trainers" (I use the term loosely) from the team there already. The problem is that they all refused to teach the class. I was told that one of them actually pitched a little fit about teaching the entire five hours; she has a background as a performer. Despite the fact that another one constantly reminds everyone that she has 19 years of nursing experience and she is (not was, but IS) a professor, she wouldn't step up to teach the class either. I interpreted that as a lack of knowledge or confidence in the software, so when I thought she was struggling a little in showing a student how to do something I stepped in to help so that I could get the class back on track (we were waiting for that one student to catch up). This experienced "professor" nurse got peeved and stormed out of the classroom. I humbly apologized when we had a break because I realized that I stepped over a line. She explained her feelings, throwing in the obligatory "professional" and "professor" references, and I said "yeah, that's why I'm apologizing." I realized my mistake and I was atoning for it. She didn't seem satisfied that she couldn't slap me around and teach me a lesson because I already learned it myself.
I didn't even say anything when the other trainer (the one who refused the teach the class, the performer) interjected so much towards the end that she started to take the class away from me. I let her have her say. My toes can take a lot of stepping, apparently. The third trainer, whose background was in education and developing training systems, was running the slide show and showing things live in the software for me because the projector & laptop were in the middle of the room. I wondered why he wasn't teaching the class, but he ended up leaving before it was over, so that might explain it. There were many times, unfortunately, when he spent time helping the student sitting next to him, so the whole class had to stop because he was supposed to be driving but was acting as proctor instead. Afterward, he sent a message to the team asking about logging into the laptops because they (at the site) always let the students log in with whatever they want and I started my set-up by using the generic MIS log on that we were told to use in all our classes to get into Windows. I apparently offended him by doing this type of set-up. Again, I felt like I was perceived as an invader. I didn't want to be seen as a hero (that's insulting to any true professional), but I would have liked to be allowed to run the show I was asked to run my way.
I don't know if this group felt insulted that I came in to do their job. They asked me if I needed anything. They told me they would help out however I asked. Then they were not happy that I was confident and capable enough to run most of the show myself. Miss "professor" even interrupted me, quite embarrassingly, at the beginning of the class, telling me how to demonstrate things so the students wouldn't get lost. I didn't bite off her head, though I know many others on my team who would have. I did make a mental note later when I quietly shushed the whole class to get us back on track because too many side conversations were popping up and the small room was growing too loud. Miss "professor" had the gall to say "who's shushing?!" I guess she was offended that the person teaching the class would dare to get it under control again.
So, where does the humility (and the positive lesson) come in to play? So far it sounds like all I'm doing is ranting (and not getting any work done for tomorrow). Well, after some soul-searching and a lot of self-evaluation, I have come to the conclusion that I complain about this job too much to the people who have this job. I have started to become THAT person--the person who complains so much that everyone wonders why they keep coming to work. I don't want to be THAT person. I have always tried to squash those thoughts. When other co-workers complained about the job I tried to listen, but quietly envision what another side of the story might be. I am still doing that a little bit with this project, but I'm finding myself soaking up the toxicity too much lately, agreeing with the complaints, launching too many of my own, listening to and spreading gossip, perhaps not giving the sympathetic ear that people expect from me as often. Therefore, going forward, I'm not going to complain about anything about the job. I'm not going to whine or imagine that unforeseen circumstances or last-minute changes are the end of the world. I am going to truly roll with the punches, take everything in stride, keep my fool mouth shut. This contract will be over soon enough and I will once again be unemployed before I know it. It's not worth my soul to fit in with everyone and their complaints. I'm putting on my turtle shell, eating my humble pie, doing everything a good little soldier should do, and saying nothing to anyone about anything. I have been slapped with humility and, like the Blessed Mother, I will keep all these things in my heart but I won't speak of them to the people involved.
I got a job (finally!), but it's a temporary contract (of course!) with a consulting company. I thought I was hired as a classroom trainer to teach a software program to the employees at the client company. There are 3 companies involved in the mix: my company (the trainers), the software company that built the system, and the client (a large hospital system that has their own MIS department who seems to have a hand in building the system as well). I went into the project assuming that I would have to answer to my company, as they are the ones paying me. So far, the software company has had very little interaction with my team (the trainers and our coordinators, who are all paid by the same consulting company). However, there is a lot of conflicting information coming down to us as we teach the classes. Our manager sends down information, sometimes to all of us, sometimes just to our coordinators. On top of that, the manager of the project at the hospital is giving us directives. On top of THAT, the MIS team at the hospital feels the need to dictate things to us about how we teach the classes. My biggest problem is that I can honestly see the world through all of these different lenses. I understand why they are all involved in telling us what to do. I even understand why they feel the need to tell us what they do (when they feel like telling us directly instead of expecting us to read their minds). Unfortunately, this doesn't make it any more palatable. It's a little disquieting when we are told to teach the classes in our own personal style on one hand, and then told to not make any improvisations or adjustments to the classes on the other hand. I can adapt to either demand, but not at the same time. I'm feeling like a chameleon being asked to match a plaid pattern. Maybe I'm missing something in the instructions.
When I joined I was afraid that I would be the baby on the project. On my first day, which was one to two weeks after the rest of the team started, we introduced ourselves and stated our experiences. In the whole room, I felt that I was the only one for whom this was "my first rodeo" because, though my education in I/O psychology trained me in the science and theory of corporate training (among other things in the workforce), I never actually had a job to do any consulting or corporate training. I also have no experience working with hospitals. The training team consists of people who have trained professionally in software, law enforcement, and/or clinical electronic systems. The team also had many people who had experience with this hospital system directly or who had clinical backgrounds themselves. I truly felt that I would have to fight to prove myself in the arena. I was worried that they would drop me early on, and I think they felt the same way. The original consulting manager actually asked me what I was doing there! I got a couple calls from my recruiter at the company in my first week that sounded as if she expected me to jump ship immediately because I didn't belong! It hurts just thinking about it. For two weeks I was tossed around from team to team as they tried to decide to which of the seven sites to send me. It felt like no one wanted me on their team because everything was already decided before my hiring paperwork was completed and I was seen as just another useless warm body thrown into the mix.
We went through two weeks of training as we learned the system ourselves so that we could teach it to the employees at the hospital. The truth is, our "training" was more like beta-testing the software and the training materials they hospital staff was developing for the end-users. I quickly proved that I could learn the information and teach it back. I may even have become something of a teacher's pet. That was not my intention. I am always hungry to learn new things and when I learn something I want to share it. I may not get something immediately, but as an INTJ, I sometimes have to have things sit in the back of my mind before the flashes of insight come through and I make the connections. Unfortunately, I fear I started to appear as too much of a know-it-all to many of the rest of the team. One of the trainers actually snapped at me when we were told that we were supposed to be training in the first week when we thought the SMEs were supposed to be teaching. I don't remember exactly what I said, maybe I had too much confidence in my knowledge because I did pipe up to help out in the super user class that day. He said something about not everyone learning the information completely like I did. He quit the next day. After today, I started looking back on my experiences during our training. I see now that moments in which I thought I was being helpful by answering questions that others had were actually moments in which I should have kept my mouth shut and let the "right person" answer the question. I received a good number of dirty looks any time I tried to help someone else. I realize it was not my place. The ones training us were supposed to answer ALL questions; it was not my place to help anyone. I step on too many toes at times, even if I think I'm helping, sometimes even if all I'm doing is being confident.
Today I was called away from my original assignment to teach a major class at another site. We have a couple of one-hour classes for techs and their managers, a couple of two-hour classes for specific departments, and one five-hour class for the group who will probably be using the software more than anyone else. This last one is the one I consider to be the major class. I honestly felt like I was coming to the rescue of the site, and that's how the request was relayed to me, by coming to teach the five-hour class. When I got there, though I was told that I was "in charge" because it was my class, I got the distinct feeling that I was an invader into their space. There were three "trainers" (I use the term loosely) from the team there already. The problem is that they all refused to teach the class. I was told that one of them actually pitched a little fit about teaching the entire five hours; she has a background as a performer. Despite the fact that another one constantly reminds everyone that she has 19 years of nursing experience and she is (not was, but IS) a professor, she wouldn't step up to teach the class either. I interpreted that as a lack of knowledge or confidence in the software, so when I thought she was struggling a little in showing a student how to do something I stepped in to help so that I could get the class back on track (we were waiting for that one student to catch up). This experienced "professor" nurse got peeved and stormed out of the classroom. I humbly apologized when we had a break because I realized that I stepped over a line. She explained her feelings, throwing in the obligatory "professional" and "professor" references, and I said "yeah, that's why I'm apologizing." I realized my mistake and I was atoning for it. She didn't seem satisfied that she couldn't slap me around and teach me a lesson because I already learned it myself.
I didn't even say anything when the other trainer (the one who refused the teach the class, the performer) interjected so much towards the end that she started to take the class away from me. I let her have her say. My toes can take a lot of stepping, apparently. The third trainer, whose background was in education and developing training systems, was running the slide show and showing things live in the software for me because the projector & laptop were in the middle of the room. I wondered why he wasn't teaching the class, but he ended up leaving before it was over, so that might explain it. There were many times, unfortunately, when he spent time helping the student sitting next to him, so the whole class had to stop because he was supposed to be driving but was acting as proctor instead. Afterward, he sent a message to the team asking about logging into the laptops because they (at the site) always let the students log in with whatever they want and I started my set-up by using the generic MIS log on that we were told to use in all our classes to get into Windows. I apparently offended him by doing this type of set-up. Again, I felt like I was perceived as an invader. I didn't want to be seen as a hero (that's insulting to any true professional), but I would have liked to be allowed to run the show I was asked to run my way.
I don't know if this group felt insulted that I came in to do their job. They asked me if I needed anything. They told me they would help out however I asked. Then they were not happy that I was confident and capable enough to run most of the show myself. Miss "professor" even interrupted me, quite embarrassingly, at the beginning of the class, telling me how to demonstrate things so the students wouldn't get lost. I didn't bite off her head, though I know many others on my team who would have. I did make a mental note later when I quietly shushed the whole class to get us back on track because too many side conversations were popping up and the small room was growing too loud. Miss "professor" had the gall to say "who's shushing?!" I guess she was offended that the person teaching the class would dare to get it under control again.
So, where does the humility (and the positive lesson) come in to play? So far it sounds like all I'm doing is ranting (and not getting any work done for tomorrow). Well, after some soul-searching and a lot of self-evaluation, I have come to the conclusion that I complain about this job too much to the people who have this job. I have started to become THAT person--the person who complains so much that everyone wonders why they keep coming to work. I don't want to be THAT person. I have always tried to squash those thoughts. When other co-workers complained about the job I tried to listen, but quietly envision what another side of the story might be. I am still doing that a little bit with this project, but I'm finding myself soaking up the toxicity too much lately, agreeing with the complaints, launching too many of my own, listening to and spreading gossip, perhaps not giving the sympathetic ear that people expect from me as often. Therefore, going forward, I'm not going to complain about anything about the job. I'm not going to whine or imagine that unforeseen circumstances or last-minute changes are the end of the world. I am going to truly roll with the punches, take everything in stride, keep my fool mouth shut. This contract will be over soon enough and I will once again be unemployed before I know it. It's not worth my soul to fit in with everyone and their complaints. I'm putting on my turtle shell, eating my humble pie, doing everything a good little soldier should do, and saying nothing to anyone about anything. I have been slapped with humility and, like the Blessed Mother, I will keep all these things in my heart but I won't speak of them to the people involved.
Friday, July 6, 2012
I am Adjunct
I am an adjunct. That's a fancy word for part-time college teacher. I'm not a professor. Professor is actually a rank you can reach through certain qualifications at any college or university, not necessarily requiring a doctorate, but definitely requiring a master's degree. I don't hold a doctorate yet--I hope to some day, as it's one of only 2 items on my "bucket" list--so my students don't call me "Doctor" before my name. Most people don't think of "teacher" in the same line as college unless you're talking about training to become a primary or secondary teacher (that's elementary through high school). My status is one that defies traditional definition by most employment standards. I guess I am technically a contract employee, though my position is really too valuable to cut away. I probably valued myself into a corner, honestly, as I am the only adjunct actually employed by the college who is willing to go out to the high schools to teach my courses, instead of teaching them online or requiring the students to come to the college campus. Most other "adjuncts" who teach at the high schools are actually high school teachers, employed by the school district, who happen to teach a college level course at the high school along with the other high school level courses on their docket. These folks draw their pay from the district. I get mine from the college.
So, what's so special about being an adjunct? Don't I have any ambition? Am I satisfied being in no-man's land? Isn't adjuncting something for retirees and grad students? Yeah, this is part of what makes me a little harder to define. Although it might help if you read The Adventures of Unemployed Man and took a look at the character Master of Degrees. I could relate to him quite a bit in that I started out teaching at college because it seemed to be the only job that anyone was willing to give me that actually utilized my master's degrees (yes, I have two, an M.S. in Industrial-Organizational Psychology and an M.B.A.). The only other jobs I seemed to be able to get were temp positions, even though they were full-time. But, I believe God sends me where He needs me when I'm needed there. So, I continue to teach part-time and at the moment it is essentially my career. The only upward mobility available would be to obtain a full-time position. This was proven not possible at the moment, as I didn't even make the cut to the interviewing stage for the only open psychology position in my department--someone has to die or retire for a position to open. I tell myself it's mostly because I am the only one willing to trek out to the high school. What makes me believe this isn't a delusion? The high school has requested I return every fall/spring semester for the last 4 years. I'll be starting my 5th year at the same high school in August. My boss even assumes that I'll be there before asking me if I want to teach any other classes at the college campus. Plus, if I weren't a "valuable" adjunct, then I wouldn't have a maximum load each semester. The maximum number of classes the college is willing to pay an adjunct for is 4 each semester. I usually get 4 classes each fall and 4 each spring. One semester I had as many as 6 before we realized that they meant 4 total, not 4 simultaneously. See, I often get half-semester courses stacked back-to-back, also. To put this in perspective, full-time faculty have to turn in an "overload" contract if they teach more than 5 classes. Yeah, I'm always just 1 class away from full-time work, though I would still be paid at the part-time rate because of my classification.
Most of the other adjuncts in my department are 1) retirees who teach because they love it and it keeps them busy; 2) grad students working on their doctorate so they can move on to better things or higher pay; or 3) full-time employees at other places who pick up a class or two, usually at night, to keep their knowledge sharp and because they enjoy teaching. I'm one of the only ones who does this for my "living." If I were to get a full-time job or start my "real" career path anywhere else, then I would most likely have to give up teaching. I do have a daughter, after all. As far as ambition, I do have it. As I mentioned, I did try to get a full-time position. I have been job searching, though not actively hunting, for the last 3 years. I even tried to get my certification so that I could get a job at the high school full-time, but the district is just not hiring social studies or psychology teachers. Again, I valued myself into a corner. The school district does not have to pay me, the college does that. The district just pays a fractional fee for the college credit and provides the textbooks for their students. I'm comparatively cheap for them, so why would they want to invest in me full-time? But, I am content with my status at the moment. Want to know why? She's 10 years old and the center of my life.
That's right, my no-man's land status gives me the flexibility to be there for my daughter when she needs me. When I am not actively teaching my classes, I hang out in the adjunct office grading and prepping lectures until my daughter gets out of school, or camp, or whatever she's doing during "normal business hours." I try to get as much done in the office as I can so that I can have more time with her. Most adjuncts come to teach their class, step into the office to make copies or sit for their required half hour a week, and then go home. I sometimes spend as much time in the office during the week as my full-time counter parts. The only difference is that I have to drive to my class during the fall and spring when I go out to the high school. I usually go unnoticed, which is fine by me. Being part-time also means that I'm not expected to show up to department meetings (they're almost always during my high-school classes) or other after-hours functions. I don't belong to the "family" and yet I do. I'm sure I'd be welcomed if I ever did show up, but I choose to spend that time with my daughter. I may not have all the availability of a SAHM (stay at home mom)--I can't really get a substitute since my class is so specialized--but when I'm not teaching I can be there.
We'll see how long this status lasts. I do have some ambition. I do plan on earning that PhD in educational psychology (I'm thinking adult eduction as my focus) and I do plan on eventually working for the Walt Disney Corporation, eventually. God will send me somewhere else when I am needed more there than I am needed here. Right now my daughter needs me to be sane (so the work helps) and available after school, so my part-time no-man's land position as an adjunct fits the bill. It doesn't pay as much of the bills as I'd like, but that's also why I'm eternally grateful for my husband and his support (ALL the types of support you can think of) during this phase of my "career."
So, what's so special about being an adjunct? Don't I have any ambition? Am I satisfied being in no-man's land? Isn't adjuncting something for retirees and grad students? Yeah, this is part of what makes me a little harder to define. Although it might help if you read The Adventures of Unemployed Man and took a look at the character Master of Degrees. I could relate to him quite a bit in that I started out teaching at college because it seemed to be the only job that anyone was willing to give me that actually utilized my master's degrees (yes, I have two, an M.S. in Industrial-Organizational Psychology and an M.B.A.). The only other jobs I seemed to be able to get were temp positions, even though they were full-time. But, I believe God sends me where He needs me when I'm needed there. So, I continue to teach part-time and at the moment it is essentially my career. The only upward mobility available would be to obtain a full-time position. This was proven not possible at the moment, as I didn't even make the cut to the interviewing stage for the only open psychology position in my department--someone has to die or retire for a position to open. I tell myself it's mostly because I am the only one willing to trek out to the high school. What makes me believe this isn't a delusion? The high school has requested I return every fall/spring semester for the last 4 years. I'll be starting my 5th year at the same high school in August. My boss even assumes that I'll be there before asking me if I want to teach any other classes at the college campus. Plus, if I weren't a "valuable" adjunct, then I wouldn't have a maximum load each semester. The maximum number of classes the college is willing to pay an adjunct for is 4 each semester. I usually get 4 classes each fall and 4 each spring. One semester I had as many as 6 before we realized that they meant 4 total, not 4 simultaneously. See, I often get half-semester courses stacked back-to-back, also. To put this in perspective, full-time faculty have to turn in an "overload" contract if they teach more than 5 classes. Yeah, I'm always just 1 class away from full-time work, though I would still be paid at the part-time rate because of my classification.
Most of the other adjuncts in my department are 1) retirees who teach because they love it and it keeps them busy; 2) grad students working on their doctorate so they can move on to better things or higher pay; or 3) full-time employees at other places who pick up a class or two, usually at night, to keep their knowledge sharp and because they enjoy teaching. I'm one of the only ones who does this for my "living." If I were to get a full-time job or start my "real" career path anywhere else, then I would most likely have to give up teaching. I do have a daughter, after all. As far as ambition, I do have it. As I mentioned, I did try to get a full-time position. I have been job searching, though not actively hunting, for the last 3 years. I even tried to get my certification so that I could get a job at the high school full-time, but the district is just not hiring social studies or psychology teachers. Again, I valued myself into a corner. The school district does not have to pay me, the college does that. The district just pays a fractional fee for the college credit and provides the textbooks for their students. I'm comparatively cheap for them, so why would they want to invest in me full-time? But, I am content with my status at the moment. Want to know why? She's 10 years old and the center of my life.
That's right, my no-man's land status gives me the flexibility to be there for my daughter when she needs me. When I am not actively teaching my classes, I hang out in the adjunct office grading and prepping lectures until my daughter gets out of school, or camp, or whatever she's doing during "normal business hours." I try to get as much done in the office as I can so that I can have more time with her. Most adjuncts come to teach their class, step into the office to make copies or sit for their required half hour a week, and then go home. I sometimes spend as much time in the office during the week as my full-time counter parts. The only difference is that I have to drive to my class during the fall and spring when I go out to the high school. I usually go unnoticed, which is fine by me. Being part-time also means that I'm not expected to show up to department meetings (they're almost always during my high-school classes) or other after-hours functions. I don't belong to the "family" and yet I do. I'm sure I'd be welcomed if I ever did show up, but I choose to spend that time with my daughter. I may not have all the availability of a SAHM (stay at home mom)--I can't really get a substitute since my class is so specialized--but when I'm not teaching I can be there.
We'll see how long this status lasts. I do have some ambition. I do plan on earning that PhD in educational psychology (I'm thinking adult eduction as my focus) and I do plan on eventually working for the Walt Disney Corporation, eventually. God will send me somewhere else when I am needed more there than I am needed here. Right now my daughter needs me to be sane (so the work helps) and available after school, so my part-time no-man's land position as an adjunct fits the bill. It doesn't pay as much of the bills as I'd like, but that's also why I'm eternally grateful for my husband and his support (ALL the types of support you can think of) during this phase of my "career."
Thursday, May 17, 2012
The Simpsons
The Simpsons has been running so long for a myriad of good reasons. The storytelling is great and multileveled, which makes re-watching episodes a joy instead of a nuisance. The characters have developed quite a lot over the years, while still maintaining the core of their personalities, much as a real human being would. The only difference is that they don't actually age. If they did age, Bart or Lisa (the timing of their births is a little weird and hard to pin down exactly) would be my age. I think one of the success secrets of the show is the acknowledgements of the fans that they slip in every now and then--referencing past episodes in later ones, openly questioning things as a fan would ("Which Springfield?!" "Wait, if Marge is 34 and Bart is 10, then she didn't have him right after high school!" "'I thought you were dead.' 'No, I've just been gone for a while.'"). It's a geeky show with a main stream appeal. The Simpsons is the first family show we shared with our daughter and she's just as hooked as we are.
What appeals to me the most, however, is the fact that I can use the show to illustrate concepts in my classroom. There is at least one episode for every major topic in psychology. Stress and coping have several episodes ("Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala[annoyed grunt]cious", "Hurricane Neddy", "Make Room for Lisa" are just a few I use in my classroom). There are many that concern therapy and mental disorders (e.g. "Stark Raving Dad", "There's No Disgrace Like Home", "Fear of Flying"). I have found episodes that are appropriate when discussing intelligence, critical thinking, work and team development, vocation selection, parenting, morality, compliance, conformity, obedience, cults, mob rule, hypnosis, drugs and hallucinations, sexuality, gender issues....The list goes on and on. I'm pretty sure that I could design an entire psychology course centering around The Simpsons and still get the point across to my students. In fact, I hope to do just that some day, when I'm not too busy working on my pet research project or teaching classes/grading papers. Sadly [or maybe, since this is an optimistic blog, luckily], only the first 14 seasons (and season 20) are out on DVD at the moment, and some of the more recent episodes fit in to some topics better than older ones. Yet, I still try to incorporate an episode in my class whenever I can. It breaks up the monotony of lecturing. Infusing humor into a class also helps my students see a lighter side to these sometimes heavier subjects.
Perhaps the show works so well as a teaching tool because it doesn't try too hard. I'm sure the writers did not design the episodes to work hand-in-hand with my lectures. They just naturally fell into place that way. I mention many other shows in my class and many characters, books, movies, etc., as illustrations of the topics, but nothing is used more often than The Simpsons. It's just endured for so long for so many good reasons. I would not mind it sticking around for another 20 years, as long as the quality of the storytelling stays at the same level it has since the beginning.
What appeals to me the most, however, is the fact that I can use the show to illustrate concepts in my classroom. There is at least one episode for every major topic in psychology. Stress and coping have several episodes ("Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala[annoyed grunt]cious", "Hurricane Neddy", "Make Room for Lisa" are just a few I use in my classroom). There are many that concern therapy and mental disorders (e.g. "Stark Raving Dad", "There's No Disgrace Like Home", "Fear of Flying"). I have found episodes that are appropriate when discussing intelligence, critical thinking, work and team development, vocation selection, parenting, morality, compliance, conformity, obedience, cults, mob rule, hypnosis, drugs and hallucinations, sexuality, gender issues....The list goes on and on. I'm pretty sure that I could design an entire psychology course centering around The Simpsons and still get the point across to my students. In fact, I hope to do just that some day, when I'm not too busy working on my pet research project or teaching classes/grading papers. Sadly [or maybe, since this is an optimistic blog, luckily], only the first 14 seasons (and season 20) are out on DVD at the moment, and some of the more recent episodes fit in to some topics better than older ones. Yet, I still try to incorporate an episode in my class whenever I can. It breaks up the monotony of lecturing. Infusing humor into a class also helps my students see a lighter side to these sometimes heavier subjects.
Perhaps the show works so well as a teaching tool because it doesn't try too hard. I'm sure the writers did not design the episodes to work hand-in-hand with my lectures. They just naturally fell into place that way. I mention many other shows in my class and many characters, books, movies, etc., as illustrations of the topics, but nothing is used more often than The Simpsons. It's just endured for so long for so many good reasons. I would not mind it sticking around for another 20 years, as long as the quality of the storytelling stays at the same level it has since the beginning.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Standardized Testing
I know many people view testing, especially standardized testing, with much trepidation, fear, dread, horror, and/or disdain. I have always seen it in a different light.
As a tester, I loved taking standardized tests. This was the one time I could be in a truly quiet and focused classroom. I enjoyed the opportunity to answer challenging questions at my own pace with very few distractions from other individuals who were not on the same motivational plane as I. Honestly, I always came out of any standardized test (SAT, NEDT, Iowa, etc.) the same way I now come out of a meditation session: refreshed, relaxed, with renewed focus. I never suffered from test anxiety on standardized tests. I was leery of course tests, though.
As an instructor, standardized testing provides me with a break from the all-too-often discouraging prospect of trying to enlighten students who are in my class forcibly (not by choice). It gets tedious and depressing to see students day after day sleeping, playing on cell phones, reading, or talking while I am trying to pass on knowledge. It's insulting and hurtful. BUT, this blog is about positives, so let's go back to that. As an instructor of a college course at a high school, I fit nicely into the loop hole so that I don't actually have to deal directly with the standardized testing environment. I don't have to pace the room in near-boredom, watch-dogging students to ensure they are on task and not cheating somehow. I get a relaxed schedule and a "free day" this year.
As a parent, I get to encourage my child and give her the stress inoculation tools that I try to instill in my students. I have found that the more confidence I have in her, the more confidence she has in herself. That is exceedingly rewarding and heart-warming. In addition, she does not have homework to bring home, so that's one less "fight" or "tooth-pulling" session to worry about.
Friday, October 22, 2010
My Night Class Students
Right now I am so very grateful for the patience and understanding of my students attending my night class. I am very behind in my grading and other various paperwork, but they seem to be tolerant enough to not push me. Every once in a while I get a gentle reminder that I haven't graded anything or handed back any graded papers in a long while. They tend to stay on task a little more often, as well. This inspires me regularly to hold onto my life goal: my PhD in educational psychology with an emphasis on adult education. I don't like to see any group of people forgotten, and adult students are the most glossed over group of people in academia. We have years of research in teaching babies through teenagers, but then the research stops. I suppose education experts assume that adults who want to learn will learn; apparently adults don't have particular or specific learning needs and any technique chosen to convey information is interchangeable with any other.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Silence and Burnout
I'm sure many people will agree that a modicum of silence is a blessing. As an extreme introvert, I absolutely agree. The silence I am thinking about tonight, however, is not originated from others, but rather from myself. Sometimes I am thankful that I can choose to remain silent in situations that another person (or even myself) might choose to voice their opinion or feeling. Yes, there is a vindictive streak in me (at least in thought) that occasionally cries out to give people a good verbal smack so they can see they are not the only people of import on the planet. Thankfully, I am usually able to keep this part of me at bay. This is the silence that I am glad to have tonight.
It is actually very closely related to my gratefulness for burnout. I know that burnout is not usually seen with a positive light. Yet, the purpose of this blog is to shed a golden glow upon even the darkest corners if I can. Tonight I am feeling so burned out, stretched and stressed close to my limit, that I find it very difficult to lash out or to even have angry, vindictive thoughts for too long. So, while I may judge that other woman as being rude and selfish, because I am too burned out to give so much as a dirty look to her, I can pause a moment and realize that she probably sees me in the same light. Because of this, I will take the slightly raised ground and walk away from the copy machine while she finishes whatever it was that she decided to stop that allowed me to swoop in front of in the first place. Besides, I did manage to copy the bigger assignment for tonight before she expressed her ire. ;-)
On a side-note, I am very appreciative of my time spent in lowly office positions. I am able to use a copy machine with more efficiency than many "professionals," so I know how to slide stuff in and how to walk away with patience, getting other stuff completed while I wait for the machine to finish.
Hurray, I feel better! :-)
It is actually very closely related to my gratefulness for burnout. I know that burnout is not usually seen with a positive light. Yet, the purpose of this blog is to shed a golden glow upon even the darkest corners if I can. Tonight I am feeling so burned out, stretched and stressed close to my limit, that I find it very difficult to lash out or to even have angry, vindictive thoughts for too long. So, while I may judge that other woman as being rude and selfish, because I am too burned out to give so much as a dirty look to her, I can pause a moment and realize that she probably sees me in the same light. Because of this, I will take the slightly raised ground and walk away from the copy machine while she finishes whatever it was that she decided to stop that allowed me to swoop in front of in the first place. Besides, I did manage to copy the bigger assignment for tonight before she expressed her ire. ;-)
On a side-note, I am very appreciative of my time spent in lowly office positions. I am able to use a copy machine with more efficiency than many "professionals," so I know how to slide stuff in and how to walk away with patience, getting other stuff completed while I wait for the machine to finish.
Hurray, I feel better! :-)
Friday, September 10, 2010
Catching Up
 |
| There's no need to rush when you carry your home with you everywhere |
I don't know about the rest of the world, but my life is like an accordion. There are times when everything is moving too fast and I struggle to keep up. These are then followed by moments when things slow down so much that I can take that "inbox" pile and process it. I am constantly fluctuating, travelling along my personal Yerkes-Dawdson inverted U curve. I suppose I could do the intelligent thing and take life slow and steady so that I am never behind, but then I will also never be ahead or caught up. I guess the real question comes down to whether one lives life like the hare--rushing about to get ahead so that you can nap, fall behind, then rush ahead again--or like the tortoise--slow and steady, just keep plodding along and you will eventually get there. Admittedly, I am partial to the hare's method, even though I do sometimes seem to take life at the tortoise's top speed. I find that the slow periods are much more enjoyable after I've come rushing through a chaotic period.
 |
| I'm late, I'm late. Oh, wait...I'm early now |
Saturday, August 14, 2010
My Mini Laptop
NOTE: This post could potentially be seen as a product review. I have not been paid or asked for this review. This is based on my real experiences with the product.
A couple years ago my husband bought me a mini Dell Inspiron 910 for Christmas. It's cute, really cute. It's smaller than a typical spiral-bound notebook. I was a little apprehensive at first because it runs on Ubuntu. I know nothing of any OS beyond MS (yes, I'm one of those people). It also has Open Office instead of MS Office. I taught a course on MS Office for 2 years, so to say that I am familiar with the software is an understatement. Thus far, these qualities are not too much of a hurdle any more.
I have been able to get online in a pinch (if I can find a free wi-fi connection, such as in my local library) and I can do some moderate editing work with Open Office from anywhere I choose to take the little guy. It has actually proven to be a sanity life-line for me. I no longer feel as tied down to my PC as I used to. This is great because the computer room is either dominated by my husband--he likes to use my computer chair as a foot rest--or horribly hot because of all the equipment in there (we have a number of PCs running, plus the television and printers, etc.) and oftentimes unbearable. Plus, I tend to get less work done on my main PC because it has so many games. :-)
While my little laptop is not as powerful as a full PC or a full laptop, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps because of this I can get more work done. I have fewer distractions and more motivation to get straight to work. Plus, such as on a day like today, when our Internet inadvertently goes down it's much easier to take my little guy, along with my little girl, out to the local book store or library and reconnect to the online world.
I think I've decided to name my little laptop Gir. It's a thing for me. If an inanimate object annoys me or proves itself invaluable, I feel compelled to give it a name. Gir is compact, cute, humorous, and comes through in a pinch. Though, sometimes he does go off on the deep end a little, much like the sometimes-too-sensitive touch pad mouse on my little laptop. But I've learned to accept that and work around it.
I love my Gir and I'm happy my husband decided to get it for me.
A couple years ago my husband bought me a mini Dell Inspiron 910 for Christmas. It's cute, really cute. It's smaller than a typical spiral-bound notebook. I was a little apprehensive at first because it runs on Ubuntu. I know nothing of any OS beyond MS (yes, I'm one of those people). It also has Open Office instead of MS Office. I taught a course on MS Office for 2 years, so to say that I am familiar with the software is an understatement. Thus far, these qualities are not too much of a hurdle any more.
I have been able to get online in a pinch (if I can find a free wi-fi connection, such as in my local library) and I can do some moderate editing work with Open Office from anywhere I choose to take the little guy. It has actually proven to be a sanity life-line for me. I no longer feel as tied down to my PC as I used to. This is great because the computer room is either dominated by my husband--he likes to use my computer chair as a foot rest--or horribly hot because of all the equipment in there (we have a number of PCs running, plus the television and printers, etc.) and oftentimes unbearable. Plus, I tend to get less work done on my main PC because it has so many games. :-)
While my little laptop is not as powerful as a full PC or a full laptop, that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps because of this I can get more work done. I have fewer distractions and more motivation to get straight to work. Plus, such as on a day like today, when our Internet inadvertently goes down it's much easier to take my little guy, along with my little girl, out to the local book store or library and reconnect to the online world.
I think I've decided to name my little laptop Gir. It's a thing for me. If an inanimate object annoys me or proves itself invaluable, I feel compelled to give it a name. Gir is compact, cute, humorous, and comes through in a pinch. Though, sometimes he does go off on the deep end a little, much like the sometimes-too-sensitive touch pad mouse on my little laptop. But I've learned to accept that and work around it.
I love my Gir and I'm happy my husband decided to get it for me.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Workload
I am an adjunct (read: part-time) instructor of college courses. For the past 3 years I have been teaching solely psychology classes at the local community college. This semester I took on too many courses (I actually have technically 6, 4 at once, which is more than the full-time professors teach). Because I am a contract employee, I get paid per class, so this semester is going to be an overloaded challenge--4 of my classes are 2 sections of 2 back-to-back condensed minimester courses at a high school--but the extra money is sorely needed.
This semester was a fluke, though. No part-time instructor is allowed to have so many courses. As there are no other colleges or universities in the area, that leaves my instruction employment options limited. Next semester, starting in January, I will not be allowed to teach at the college. I will only be allowed to keep my college-level dual-enrolled courses at the high school. Yes, on the down side that means a significant pay cut. However, this blog is about the silver lining of life and I'm not posting this to complain to the imaginary audience that may or may not stumble upon this entry. The upside, as it is for just about anyone who loses their job or experiences a workload reduction, is that I will be able to spend more time with my daughter. Right now I am working two nights a week. That's tough on her. In the spring she will be able to spend more time with me. I might even be able to volunteer in her classroom or with her softball team. Every closed door is answered with another open portal.
This semester was a fluke, though. No part-time instructor is allowed to have so many courses. As there are no other colleges or universities in the area, that leaves my instruction employment options limited. Next semester, starting in January, I will not be allowed to teach at the college. I will only be allowed to keep my college-level dual-enrolled courses at the high school. Yes, on the down side that means a significant pay cut. However, this blog is about the silver lining of life and I'm not posting this to complain to the imaginary audience that may or may not stumble upon this entry. The upside, as it is for just about anyone who loses their job or experiences a workload reduction, is that I will be able to spend more time with my daughter. Right now I am working two nights a week. That's tough on her. In the spring she will be able to spend more time with me. I might even be able to volunteer in her classroom or with her softball team. Every closed door is answered with another open portal.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Work
Many of us constantly complain about our jobs. Even the happiest, most satisfied employee will occasionally find something that needs improving. This is a good thing for two reasons.
1) The most obvious: complaining about your job means that you are employed. This means that you have an income, no matter how small it may seem, that can help you put food on the table and a roof over your head. I know that not all jobs provide enough to even live comfortably. However, something is ALWAYS more than nothing.
2) If you have something to complain about at your job, then that means that you have an opportunity to help your organization grow and improve. Organizations are organic--funny how that works, huh? That means that they need to keep learning and growing, improving and changing as a system if they want to survive (and maybe even thrive). Much like a human's personal journey on the path to self-improvement, the best way for any organization to grow is from the inside. Embrace those things you complain about and try to look at them as windows of opportunity to make things better and more efficient.
Of course, if the job is too abrasive, too much for you to handle, go on the job hunt. Just remember to secure a new job before you walk away from the old one. Something is always better than nothing. Plus, unemployment payments don't last very long.
1) The most obvious: complaining about your job means that you are employed. This means that you have an income, no matter how small it may seem, that can help you put food on the table and a roof over your head. I know that not all jobs provide enough to even live comfortably. However, something is ALWAYS more than nothing.
2) If you have something to complain about at your job, then that means that you have an opportunity to help your organization grow and improve. Organizations are organic--funny how that works, huh? That means that they need to keep learning and growing, improving and changing as a system if they want to survive (and maybe even thrive). Much like a human's personal journey on the path to self-improvement, the best way for any organization to grow is from the inside. Embrace those things you complain about and try to look at them as windows of opportunity to make things better and more efficient.
Of course, if the job is too abrasive, too much for you to handle, go on the job hunt. Just remember to secure a new job before you walk away from the old one. Something is always better than nothing. Plus, unemployment payments don't last very long.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)