Auto-Fill

Thank goodness for the auto-fill functions of web browsers! Sites that work with my browser to automatically fill in forms with the same information that is requested over and over--name, email, address, etc.--save me so much time. I've encountered their convenience when signing in to my regular sites (email, Twitter, Facebook, etc.) and when filling out forms for contest entries or creating new accounts.

I have especially come to greatly appreciate the function of auto-fill lately, though, when I am actively hunting for a job (I need more permanence, stability, and at least twice my current pay to comfortably provide for my daughter on my own). Career sites that upload information from my résumé, pre-filling in much of the required data, save me at least an hour each time. I've had somewhere around 14 jobs and 3 college degrees in the last 16 years, so I have a LOT of information to input each time I apply for a job. [Before you judge me on my work history, note that many of my early jobs were short-term because of school requirements and I had temporary employment positions when we moved to our present location. I was also working 3 jobs concurrently at one point. I have had my current job for 6 years.] I've filled out more than 30 job applications in the last week or two, so you can imagine just how much my gratitude is growing. Granted, these sites are only about 90% accurate, probably because they don't use the exact formatting as I use on my résumé, but any time saved means the opportunity to apply for more positions, increasing my chances of landing that job that will fulfill my financial and career needs.

I recently encountered a situation in which auto-fill saved me from having to redo about 20 minutes of typing for one of my classes as well. I was building a crossword puzzle on Angel (course management software used by my college) when I inadvertently clicked on the wrong link to edit a feature of the puzzle (adjusting the possible score after adding more words). I was about to freak out and curse fate when I saw that only 5 of the 22 words seemed to have made it into the final puzzle. I really did not want to retype all those definition clues again. Luckily, Angel's auto-fill saved the clues from each line in the form, so I could easily retrieve it with a mere push of the down-arrow key in each position after re-adding the empty spaces for them to the form.

Thank you to the wonderful geniuses who developed auto-fill and to those who continue to fine-tune it. I know I am able to accomplish more with just that one small convenience and it gives me greater piece of mind.

Being a Member of a Community

As I am an extreme Introvert, I am often accused of many things--being antisocial [People, get this straight!! See my psychology blog post on this!], having social anxiety, being a homebody. Basically, because I recharge my batteries in quiet solitude people like to jump to conclusions about the kind of person I am rather than bothering to take the time to get to know me better. As an I--J on Jung's typology (the first and last personality dimensions as assessed by the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator), I take a long time to warm up to people. I observe and reserve judgment until I gather enough data to draw my conclusions. This also means that I am more particular about the people with whom I form friendships AND once a friendship is fractured it takes a long time for me to heal. I am capable of forgiving and moving on, but due to my nature I take a while to come around to the new conclusion. I don't ask anyone to like it, but it is always nice when someone tries to understand without leaping to assumptions.

Well, the other day I was thinking about the social activities of my husband and myself. He spends very little time at home. Pretty much all of his non-work time (and sometimes he takes off work early or uses his lunch time) is spent with FRIENDS doing friend stuff--watching movies or TV, talking, "hanging out", playing board games, etc. It's all about having a good time, entertaining themselves. I certainly don't begrudge him this. I understand the necessity to socialize, especially for the extrovert that he is.

Still, because I don't seem to have many friends, he thinks I don't know how to socialize with others. I happen to have friends. However, except for a small number of friendships I've formed locally--remember, it takes me a while to extend that title to someone--most of my friends live far away from me. Why do I have so many friends so far away? Well, that's the positive of the I-J; when we make friends we value them so much that we make the effort to keep them going strong even when physical distances separate us. I may not contact my friends on a daily basis. I may not physically see them in person--hard to do that when they are states, countries, or continents away--but I call or write or email or contact them via Facebook/Twitter. Because these people are important to me I make the effort to keep in touch. I do count that as socialization. I don't need to be in the same room with someone to enjoy their personality. It's nice to get to talk or do something with my friends in person, but I can love them as my friends without demanding their presence as well. I'm also not going to just write them off and move on to other people just because they can't hop on a plane to come visit me. I understand that they have lives and obligations and I will never begrudge them those choices. The people whom I have chosen as friends also understand this about me (many of them are closer to the introvert side of the scale, too) and accept that sometimes life circumstances may physically separate people but you don't have to emotionally separate because of it.

The ironic part of my life is that, though he accuses me of not having any friends and he insists there must be something wrong with me because I don't "socialize" by his definition of the word, my husband thinks I spend too much time outside the house doing too much for others. I have to scratch my head when he points out or complains that I'm never home because I volunteer at my church or for my daughter's various organizations. New flash: this is a form of socialization! I choose activities with other people that promote something for a greater good beyond my personal entertainment. Yes, I can enjoy the company of others AND still accomplish something like helping clean up a place, serving people, assisting, teaching people, or worshiping with others. My socialization comes primarily from being an active member of a community. I am not trying to inflate my ego in any way, but I know that if/when I ever leave here my daughter and I will leave quite a few holes because of all the contributions we make. I'm sure that, should he ever relocate, my husband will be missed for a while by the dozens of friends who know him. Some may even stay in touch with him for a while. And yet, other than his place of work, I wonder if there is anyone else who would be scrambling to fill the gaps he would leave behind. Sadly (from one point of view), there wouldn't be too many people who would suffer from a vacuum like that.

Here's a little more irony. Though my husband would leave behind many friends if he were to move, it would actually be harder for me to leave a place because I am a member of the community. I have a knack for finding a hole and filling it with my skills, abilities, time, talent, and willingness to assist. I enjoy having a purpose and a place. My choice of socialization tends to have more of a purpose than just entertaining myself. I can find enjoyment in the company of others, I just don't need to be so selfish about my activities. It's not just about making people happy, for me. It's more about having a place and making a difference. When I do finally leave here, I know, sadly, that I will probably leave some gaps that will take my community--church, work, daughter's school & extracurriculars--some time to find a replacement. I realize that I will leave a vacuum, so it can be tough for me to leave a place. The friends I made here, though, will stay my friends for as long as I continue to reach out to them. I know distance is no barrier to friendship, but it is to being a member of a community.

Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying one way of socialization is better or worse than another. There are two sides to every coin (3 if it's thick enough). On the one hand, it is easier for my husband than for me to make new friends everywhere he goes. On the other hand, it is easier for me than my husband to become a member of my community. It is also harder for me to leave a place than it is for him, but easier for me to keep up my important relationships when I leave because of my personality.

Childhood Teasing

I am in no way advocating teasing, which has become a form of bullying in today's works. When I was a kid, teasing was name-calling, rude comments, verbal abuse meant to diminish a kid's self-esteem and help the teaser feel superior. It was mean, but it was also easy to ignore if you had social support from friends and/or family.

Bullying, on the other hand, was more than picking on someone verbally. It involved physical harassment, beatings, threats. You or your property had to be touched in some way in order for the behavior to be considered bullying.

We don't condone violence any more, so we have had to elevate the verbal teasing to "bullying" because that's all that's left to uninformed children to assert their dominance and increase their self-esteem without actually improving themselves. I wonder if "dirty" looks will become the next generation's form of bullying now that we (society) are combating teasing. Every story has at least two sides.

But I digress. This post is supposed to highlight the positive outcomes that a childhood of teasing can bring, if one is willing to stetch their optimism muscles. Again, I am not condoning maltreatment of any kind toward anyone. I wish the world saw all people treating each other with mutual respect. I also wish we could truly learn to judge behviors separately from the person. That said, let me share what I have finally chosen to accept from the teasing I received as a kid.

I was picked on mercilessly by my two brothers--one older & one younger. Their favorite target was my weight. They came up with hurtful names for me and frequently enjoyed turning them into little songs to be sung ad nauseam. I could have taken the predictable route and become anorexic. That would have saved me from a lifetime of scorn that almost all overweight individuals experience. I did not, though, and I am still overweight and all too conscious about it. What the teasing did do, however, was to create an extreme level of self-consciousness or self-awareness. I decided that I didn't want to give anyone any reason other than my girth to ridicule me. I made sure that every bit if my body was always clean. I always chew gum after my meals to make sure that no food sticks around. I am conscientious in my bathing & restroom habits so that I do not produce an offensive odor. I keep my face as clean as possible to keep acne at bay. Even my ears are squeaky clean so that I rarely have any wax or dirt in or around them.

Because I am overly sensitive to the stereotypes surrounding fat people (yeah, I actually used the "f" word!), I am also very self-conscious of my eating habits. I don't like to eat in front of others. The last this I want is to bring back the memories of school kids (and my brothers) calling me a pig (or various other appellations) because I dared to eat. Now, when I am compelled to eat in front of others, I try to limit my portions to the minutest amount and I am all-too-aware of table manners. I try to do everything I can to divert attention from myself.

Speaking of diverting attention, that's the other conditioning I received from the non-weight related teasing. My family wasn't rich. We never had more than we needed. Kids at school loved to pick on others whose clothes or backpacks, etc. showed that they weren't from upper middle class. Looking back, I find this incredibly ironic as I went to the cheapest Catholic school in El Paso and the median income of the city itself was just above the poverty line. My parents gave up a lot for our education, but that didn't matter to kids who only knew how to bring others down in order to lift up themselves. So, after a while, I learned to be as inconspicuous as possible. I also learned that working hard to achieve something (grades, creative endeavors) has greater rewards than recognition.

Today I try my best to work from the background. I would rather be thanked by 1 person out of hundreds than be noticed by everyone. In fact, any recognition for my work, although much appreciated, is also very embarrassing because I don't want to be recognized. I don't want to be noticed. I don't want the limelight. Too much happens to those whom everyone is watching. And while they appreciate your greatness, people are also quicker to point out the flaws of those in the spotlight. If you don't beleive me, then just look at any newspaper or magazine or biography that mentions a famous person. No one is untouchable in the forefront.

In all, I have experienced a lot of psychological and emotional hang-ups. I took a lot of blows to my self-esteem and I continue to have many days that I don't want to be around myself. And yet, I did learn the value (and the potential power) of being in the background. I probably would not have figured that out if I hadn't been teased so much as a kid.

Growing up Geek and Not Knowing It

I never really stopped to consider what it was to be a geek. As a kid I never thought I would associate with geeks, mostly because I did not realize this was a "type" of person. I had a vague notion of what a "nerd" was because there were a few movies showing the stereotypical coke-bottle-glasses-wearing weirdo who was obsessed with computers (or fantasy, or facts, or science, or...) and panties. I knew these individuals were not supposed to be popular, though they were expected to run the world after high school or college and take their revenge on the pretty people. The term "geek" never really made it into my vocabulary until my first DragonCon in 2007. Even back then, I did not really consider myself a geek by the modern, accepted definition of the term. It was when I started talking to the other DragonCon attendees, and sharing my stories of childhood with my daughter, who completely embraced her inherited geekdom instantly, that I realized I had always been a geek deep down inside, I just never knew it. This could also be one of the myriad of reasons why it was so hard for me to find friends among the "normals" until I got to college early through a math & science academy.

It turns out that my parents may have had the seeds of geekery buried within them as well. However, they come from a generation that had no notion of such things. I kind of had a notion that my mom had the potential to be a geek. After all, it was she who had the family sit together on Saturdays to watch Star Trek the Next Generation. It was also my mom who showed us the original Star Wars trilogy so many times I began to think that she would have married Luke Skywalker if my dad hadn't come along first. My mom is not a technical Trek geek. She doesn't nit-pick technical impossibilities or try to figure out the possible (or improbable) science behind alien species. She taught us to look at the human story behind the episodes. She highlighted for us how this science-fiction world actually illustrated real-world issues like acceptance of homosexuality, intolerance of races, prejudice, discrimination, and what it means to be human. Her favorite character is Commander Data, not because he was an android, but because it was through Data that we discovered the essences of what it is to be human. Star Wars was always about the Force and finding the right path to do what was right for the greater good. It was also about finding yourself and coming to terms with all aspects of yourself--the good and the bad. This is what my mom showed me, though it took motherhood and studying psychology for me to realize it.

My father is a little bit of a different story. He was always the practical one (at least, that's how I saw him as I was growing up). He didn't seem to encourage fantasy. He always struck me as someone who preferred to live in reality, except when he was watching cartoons. My dad watched a lot of cartoons, especially old ones like Popeye and Scooby Doo. If it was animated, he would watch it. He started to draw the line, however, when the animation was no longer for kids. He won't watch animated shows that are crass, crude, violently graphic, or "adult" in nature. He has a pure heart in that respect. What really surprised me was when I realized that my dad also liked science fiction. Like my mom, he did not look for the reality in the shows; he did not try to find the plot holes caused by improbabilities. I guess science fiction was his way to express his fantasy without leaving behind reality. I didn't realize he liked science fiction until I started watching Doctor Who with my husband and daughter. I knew of Doctor Who because I remember my dad watching it on PBS. I remember sitting and watching with him, especially the Tom Baker episodes. In fact, the first time I saw another person as The Doctor (when I was a kid) who was not Tom Baker, I thought my dad was watching a completely different show. I was too young to pay attention to the larger story. I was in it just for the episode, so I missed a lot as a kid. I also remember my dad watching Twilight Zone marathons whenever they came on. We didn't have cable for much of my childhood, but when we did, he would watch many marathons of shows like The Man from U.N.C.L.E., I Dream of Jeanie, and Outer Limits. It took me so long to realize that my dad may have been a geek, or at least a sci-fi fan, because I didn't know enough to connect the dots.

My mom worked days and my dad worked nights for most of our childhood, so there weren't too many moments we spent as a family. [I have 2 brothers, 1 older and 1 younger than myself.] Also, when my older brother was about 12 or 13, he started to focus more on friends and girlfriends than family, as is the "normal" way for most people, so there was only a relatively small window of time that I can recall as "family" time (I'm not counting family vacations). A couple of the other shows we watched as a family, that I now realize fall under the science-fiction genre, included Air Wolf, Knight Rider, and the Adam West/Burt Ward Batman series. I remember sitting down as a family to watch the Superman movies, also.

Thinking back on it, I did get quite a bit of exposure to science fiction. I also got a lot of exposure to fantasy through Disney, which was another thing my mother gave us heavily with our annual trips to Disneyland and watching many Disney shows and movies. I just never realized that this meant I was growing up geek. I did expand into my own geeky interests, mainly in literature, picking up authors like Tolkien and Crichton without any influence from my parents. I spent much of my teen years trying to "find my people," as my mother told me when I went off to college. I couldn't understand why I didn't seem to fit in with the other kids in school or my neighborhood. My older brother had plenty of friends, but the geek influence also bounced off of him--he's a "normal" person and it works for him. I did finally find "my people" among other geeks. We not only had similar experiences, but the people I met in college introduced me to even more geek genres like anime and gaming. I still didn't realize that we were geeks, but I began to feel like I may have stumbled upon like-minded individuals. As I stated earlier, the whole geek thing didn't really hit me until our first DragonCon. Interestingly enough, my little brother seemed to more fully embrace his geekdom (or maybe I just noticed it) after he went to his first DragonCon in 2008. Now I know who I am and I know that I am not alone. My daughter may not fit in with the mainstream "popular" kids, but she's growing up in a world where she knows that she will have a welcome place among like-minded souls. Plus, she has found a couple kid geeks close to her age, so she doesn't have to grow up as alone as I did.

I don't know if the Geek bubble will burst in my life time (i.e. if geeks will no longer have the popular power they enjoy today thanks to true geek celebrities and many wannabe geeks out there). If it does, I at least know where I stand and I won't change it for anything. I'm very grateful to my parents for exposing me to fantasy and science fiction, and for doing it in a way that helped me find the human substance behind all of the flashy effects. It doesn't matter that I did not know I was a geek when I was a kid. It matters that I was, and I still am, a geek at heart.

Toxic People

A toxic person in my life recently maliciously told me to "write one of [my] rose-colored blog posts," so I decided to take them up on the challenge.

In truth, there is very little I can say about toxic people beyond advising all others to avoid them. A "toxic" person is an individual who seems to thrive on spreading hatred, anger, dissent, and all-around negative emotions to everyone with whom they come in contact. In my experience, the vast majority of people (if I had to throw out numbers, I would estimate 97%) are NOT toxic. Yes, there are times when someone is feeling depressed or frustrated and they might inadvertently try to bring others down. However, these are generally temporary circumstances. A truly toxic person engages in such behaviors more than 60% of the time, sometimes with very little motivation beyond getting whatever it is that they want (an ego boost? manipulation? sense of power?).

The greatest thing I encounter from toxic people, aside from boiling blood before I calm down, is the activation of my stubborn streak. Any time someone attempts to malign myself or someone for whom I care deeply, I decide that these are behaviors I do not wish to pursue myself. I stop and think about how horrible I feel around these people, these emotions, and I take a close look at my behavior. Sometimes I recognize that I may have unwittingly been using similar tactics, not necessarily out of spite, but most likely out of selfishness, forgetting to think before I act. So, when I see someone trying to use a guilt trip on me, or slinging slurs, or trying to bully me into something, or behaving in a selfish immature manner (acting their dress/shoe size instead of their age, i.e. in a socially developmental level at least 10 years behind their biological development), I stop and evaluate my own behaviors. If I notice that I may have used a similar tactic on others (it's all too natural, sometimes, to try to manipulate someone with a guilt-trip), I immediately mend my ways and vow to avoid those thoughts and behaviors in the future.

In essence, after I decide to avoid a toxic person until they can treat others as humans instead of objects, I take a closer look inside and make adjustments to my own behaviors. The last thing I need is hypocrisy. Challenge met: I can, indeed, find a positive life lesson from a toxic person. I just hope it helps me become a better mother, wife, teacher, human being along the way.

Disney's Girls Have Much to Teach

The Walt Disney Company has been criticized from the very beginning for just about every decision they make. The more recent backlash regarding Merida from Brave is just another drop in the ocean. Honestly, as the Internet meme states, "Haters gonna hate" and there is very little you can do about it if someone decides that they don't like something. The ugly fact is that that is their personal problem and they need to find a way to deal with it, not try to force others to change. Truth be told, any symbol or image or word can be interpreted in a variety of ways. That is one of the beauties of humanity--we each have our own unique way of looking at things and on some plane they are all valid. And, sometimes "a cigar is just a cigar;" sometimes you don't have to find deeper meaning in an image or thought to appreciate it for what it is.

Before I delve into my defense of feminism in Disney, know that I will be focusing on primarily the human-driven animated films. That means that the animal films such as Dumbo, Jungle Book, Aristocats, etc. will not come into play in my arguments, though you might be able to add to my points with them as illustrations. I am also examining, from my memory of the films, mainly Disney animated theatrical films, with two of the three human-centered Pixar movies (the three are The Incredibles, Up, and Brave) thrown into the mix. I'm going to divert from my usual paragraph format and just present a bulleted list of the positive messages found in Disney's leading ladies.

Note that my definition of feminism is a belief that ALL individuals should be treated fairly, regardless of gender, race, creed, etc. No one group of people should be given preferential treatment for any reason. There are positive qualities in both the feminine and masculine. The only thing that makes them feminine or masculine is the fact that we expect one gender over the other to display that quality more often; that does not preclude the other gender from possessing said characteristic. I believe, as Carl Jung, that each individual has both a male half and a female half, some just choose to express one over the other, sometimes both are expressed, or a neutral/neither expression occurs.

As far as stereotypical damsel-in-distress "girly" characters that seem to incredibly irk feminazis, I've found really only three in Disney's animated movie history--Cinderella, who relies on her fairy godmother to "rescue" her from a bad life; Aurora, whose prince is the most pro-active of the princes, other than Aladdin, and who is fated to simply wait for him to save her; Snow White, who is saved not only by her perfect prince, but also by her friends. So, I won't add these three to the bullet list, as they DO show the old-fashioned idea of "beauty must wait for her rescue." The rest of the female leads show a lot more initiative. Keep in mind, however, that even these three females are not entirely two-dimensional in personality. Cinderella has forgiveness and patience, Snow White has kindness and obedience, Aurora has imagination and hope to add to their characters.

• Alice (Alice in Wonderland, 1951): Shows the power, and price, of curiosity. Willing to explore on her own, learns to be careful what you wish for
• Wendy (Peter Pan, 1953): A motherly figure. Shows that a parent can be caring and provide rules for children without diminishing their love. Also stands her own against other females.
•  Eilonwy (The Black Cauldron, 1985): One of the youngest princesses portrayed (she's somewhere around 11 or 12 in the film), has spunk and sass. Does complain about her conditions a bit, but also has her own source of magical power and uses her wits to trick the witches into performing a good deed. Trust and intelligence are her main strengths.
• Ariel (The Little Mermaid, 1989): Curiosity, openness, acceptance, fighting prejudice, adventurous. Opens the eyes of her prejudiced society to the potential of another world. SHE rescues the prince! Finds other ways to communicate. The acceptance and desire for harmony is highlighted much more in the animated television series of the 1990s.
• Belle (Beauty and the Beast, 1991): Intelligence, "unconventional"--doesn't satisfy herself with just looking for a husband and settling down. Wants to explore, sacrifices herself for her father. Stubborn, stands her ground against other stubborn characters. Judges others by their personality and heart, not their looks. Actions speak louder than words!
• Jasmine (Aladdin, 1992): Independent, refuses to remain sheltered, proves she has a mind of her own. Puts off marriage in order to "find herself," but does not discredit love. Kindness is combined with authority and leadership. We see so much more of this in the television series.
• Pocahontas (Pocahontas, 1995): Independent, adventurous, sees value in ALL things on the earth. Willing to sacrifice herself for her ideals (and for love). Pushes for peace and understanding over war and hatred.
• Esmeralda (The Hunchback of Notre Dame, 1996): Spunky, sensual, strong, fighter, smart, clever. Puts the welfare of her people before her own concerns ("God Help the Outcasts"). Kind, gentle, accepts people as people, regardless of their outward appearance. Judges others based on their behavior, not status or looks.
• Meg/a.k.a. Megara (Hercules, 1997): Very strong character in terms of personality. Starts out super-feminazi (bemoans the idea of being seen as a damsel in distress), but accepts the feminine along with the masculine. Learns that love doesn't make you weak, it can make you stronger. Stands up for herself, fights for her beliefs, doesn't put up with nonsense. Keeps chauvinists in their place. A street-smart gal who has been burned before and is more cautious and wiser because of it.
• Mulan (Mulan, 1998): Blatantly obvious crossing of gender lines, yet she is still able to maintain some of her feminine side. Runs away for noble reasons (selfish reasons in the deleted scenes), proves herself as "one of the boys," puts the greater good above herself, persists in the face of sexism. Very intelligent, a natural leader, loyal, caring.
• Jane (Tarzan, 1999): Female intellectual. She isn't just following Daddy around, she is also studying and documenting what she finds on the excursions. Proper, genteel, natural educator. Defender of her philosophy, but also willing to learn from others. Adaptable, protector personality.
• Chicha (The Emperor's New Groove, 2000): Not a major player in the film, but a major influence on the characters. Strong, loving mother with an authoritative parenting style--balances love and affection and child's personal growth with guidance and structure. Pushes when it's needed, let's others find their way when she knows they can. Puts up with a LOT of stuff that other parents wouldn't tolerate, and with a good humor, too.
• Kida (Atlantis: The Lost Empire, 2001): Physically and mentally strong warrior, protector of her people and her culture. Not satisfied with the status quo, wants to improve her people's lives. The ultimate defender, willing to sacrifice herself for her people, will do what is right.
• Lilo (Lilo & Stitch, 2002): Possibly the first "geek girl" in Disney lore, in the modern sense of the term. Very independent, innocent and yet knowledgeable due to life's hard knocks. Pretty tom-boyish and also shows feminine qualities in her care for others and her desire to be welcomed into the fold. Mainly wants to be accepted for who she is, and accepts others for their quirks. Who else would adopt (and love) a destructive weird looking alien as a part of her family? Judges people based on their behaviors, not appearance, tries to see the good and/or potential in just about everyone. Many of her androgynous traits--balance of the masculine and the feminine--show up more in the television series and subsequent sequels.
• Nani (Lilo & Stitch, 2002): Independent, dependable, reliable. Works hard, perseveres, single "parent" who cares enough to put her needs aside for the greater good of her family. Although sometimes exasperated, works through her frustration to do the best she can for those she loves.
• Captain Amelia (Treasure Planet, 2002): Come on, this one is easy! A female captain! Excellent leadership, straightforward, very clever, keeps a tight ship, fighter, quick wit, nimble mind and body. Rational personality concerned about the safety of her vessel and crew above all else. Even respected by her enemies.
• Sarah Hawkins (Treasure Planet, 2002): The ever-suffering single mother, abandoned by her husband to raise a now-teenage boy by herself. Smart, personable, business owner and operator. Great customer service, people skills. Although frustrated, out of concern for her son's future, still keeps pressing on to keep things afloat.
• Helen Parr/Elastigirl (The Incredibles, 2004): Yes, another strong mother figure [I hope you don't have anything against moms!] Flexible physically and mentally (that's why the creators chose her powers for her role). Peace-maker, supporter, chose to give up her career to provide a stable home for her children. Willing to run out to rescue her husband, both literally and emotionally. Protects her kids before all else. Witty and patient.
• Tiana (The Princess and the Frog, 2009): Too much focus has been made of her race. Like all the other Disney females, she is more than just the color of her skin or her gender. A three-dimensional, fleshed out personality. Hard-working, persevering, take-no-nonsense, tolerate no laziness. Expects people to be rewarded based on their merit and their effort, not their birthright. Not afraid to get her hands dirty, will do what it takes to work her way through her problems. Very independent and self-reliant, also supportive of others.
• Rapunzel (Tangled, 2010): Definitely not a stereotypical "girly-girl," runs around bare-foot, defends herself with whatever is at hand. Believes the best in everyone (sometimes too much), but not too trusting or naive. Gets extra points for maintaining all that hair but never crying about it! Curious, intelligent, observant, quick learner, mostly honest, innocent, heart full of love. Good diplomatic skills, unselfish.
• Merida (Brave, 2012): Tom-boy, strong, agile, excellent hand-eye coordination. Too-obviously anti-feminine, at least on the surface, but comes to appreciate (eventually) the value of feminine qualities. Strong-willed, independent, stubborn, eventually opens her eyes to other view points. Possibly the most selfish of the Disney female protagonists, unfortunately. This is my main problem with the people complaining that Merida "was a good role model for 'normal-looking' girls before her make-over." I would not want either my boy (if I had one) or my girl to put their selfish needs before others. Being unselfish is not an undesirable feminine trait, it's a Christian ideal and the world would have a lot fewer problems if more people stopped thinking about themselves first at the expense of others.
• Vanellope von Schweetz (Wreck-It Ralph, 2012): Actually a princess, though not yet included in the "club" with the rest of the Disney princesses. A "tough cookie" along the lines of Esmeralda and Meg. Puts a positive spin on her solitude, picked on and bullied and teased, but still forgiving in the end. Defensive sense of humor, but not displacement-oriented. Natural racer, just wants to prove herself. Androgynous personality, shows care and concern. Doesn't want to hurt anyone, just wants a fair chance to show her abilities. Full of spunk and confidence.
• Commander Calhoun (Wreck-It Ralph, 2012): Very strong leader, take-no-spit from others, fights for what she needs to, intelligent and competent. Once bitten, ever cautious, still capable of feeling love even though she is a bit afraid at first. Beautiful can be strong.

Maybe WE should stop perpetuating the stereotype that all beautiful women are supposed to be helpless and only the less-than-perfect can fend for themselves. It is possible for beauty and brains to coexist in the same person, male or female.

Frustration

I suppose, given the nature of frustration, it is hard to believe that anything positive could come from it. The definition of frustration has no negative aspects, at least on the surface. Frustration is an emotion we feel when a goal (need, want, desire, etc.) is blocked by something or someone. Internal frustration comes from our own doing--lack of skill, poor choices, etc. External frustration comes from something outside of our realm of control. Nonsocial frustration stems from an inanimate object that is not directly linked to a person, such as a dead battery or lousy weather. Social frustration occurs when the actions or presence of another person seems to be blocking us from achieving our goals--too many people in line, someone driving too slowly, the person who bought the last copy of the game you wanted right before you could snag it yourself.

I find that when my stress level begins to skyrocket I experience much more frustration than usual. Maybe it just gets to me more when I am more mentally vulnerable. At the moment, I am experiencing all 3 forms of frustration. Social frustration is coming from people parking in my designated spot at work and someone walking off with one of my textbooks from my office. I am also finding social frustration in the form of demands (pressure, really) from work--end-of-year paperwork and grading coming around because students are turning in work and people are requesting administrative paperwork all at the same time. It's just the nature of the job, I know. But my goals--finish all my work so I can take a mental break--are pushed back further every time someone else makes a demand/request for something from me. A more recent source of social frustration, which blends with a nonsocial, technology related source, is the lack of printing abilities at my office at the moment. It appears that someone has managed to monkey with the settings on the office PC and the printer is no longer responding. In other words, I cannot print anything for my classes at the moment.

My nonsocial frustration sources are time (my second archenemy; gravity is my main nemesis), uncooperative electronics, and a misbehaving car. There never seems to be enough time. I know most of this is because of my choices--see internal frustrations below. It doesn't help, though, that time is finite and deadlines don't move. In the realm of uncooperative electronics, my phone has developed a tendency to randomly "click" (it's a stupid "smart" phone with a touch screen) on things or to refuse to let me select things in the middle of the screen. It also has a nasty habit of draining its battery 10 seconds after I turn it on after my classes (I turn it off during class to try to set a good example for my students, or at least not be a hypocrite in front of them). My car functions all right, once it does start. The problem is it refuses to communicate with the key fob. The car is designed for key-less entry and ignition, so long as the key is within a certain distance. It sometimes takes me a few minutes, combined with creative language and facial contortions, to get the buttons on either the car or the key fob to respond. I'm beginning to wonder if I have an electromagnetic pulse running through my blood that is interfering with both the car's electronics and my cell phone.

Internal frustration is probably the biggest culprit at the moment, mostly because I have no one to blame. Only I can shoulder the responsibility of the decisions I make. I feel as if I haven't been planning things well enough so that I could handle the work load. I should (an irrational word, to be sure!) know better. After all, I've been in the particular position for the past 5 years. I've had the same work-cycle for enough time that it ought (another irrational command word!) to be easy for me to plan far ahead so all my little ducks are in a row and my stress level becomes more manageable. I could find many excuses to deflect some of the responsibility away from myself. There have been significant changes to class schedules and such made this year, many of them this semester. However, if I had been prepared for a normal year, then it is possible I should have been able to tackle the new stress with little extra effort. Yeah, that didn't quite work out so far. Yes, I am disappointed with my apparent inability to juggle my workload, my duties as a mother, my housekeeping responsibilities, and my requirements as an adult in a committed relationship. I'm a work in progress, to be sure; very slow progress.

So, where's the silver lining? That's the point of this blog, isn't it? Well, here it is. Frustration often provides an opportunity for creativity and expanding my view of the world. When I am blocked from a goal, such as the printing situation mentioned above, it forces (encourages, really) me to find an alternative route to accomplish what I need to accomplish. This also helps me appreciate more the resources I have at my disposal that I do not always use. For example, I don't usually print anything in my classroom because I typically make many copies for my students of most of the things I print. However, when all I need are a couple of pages, such as the sign-in sheets so I can take daily roll, I am ever so grateful to have the printer in my classroom. In the case of the missing textbook, I found I was ever so thankful that I happened to have a copy at home. True, I now have to lug it around with me to get work done in the office, but at least I can still work. Internal frustration often leads to my reexamining my attitudes. Often when I find myself becoming angry with my poor choices, realizing that only I am responsible for them, I also realize that I can change them. That's a very empowering, albeit sometimes frightening, thought. I have the choice to get angry at myself or to do things differently. I also start to realize that not all of my internal frustration has to be solved by myself. I do have a social support network that I can call upon to help me when I have too much on my plate. I sometimes swallow my pride and delegate (sometimes I actually ask) some of my tasks to others (usually my husband and my daughter, usually household-related tasks) so that I can concentrate on those tasks that only I can do. For example, I can ask my husband to wash the dishes or make dinner tonight so that I can have more time to finish my lecture notes. I also have a loving daughter whose hugs help much of my stress and frustration melt away.

Frustration, especially when I feel overwhelmed beyond my mere mortal capacity to handle any more and the universe continues to shovel it my way, can sometimes lead to a shut-down. I don't mean I'm headed for a mental breakdown. I certainly hope not, though the cold that is tickling at the back of my throat may promise to slow me down. I mean it's probably time for me to reboot my thinking and time management. This is usually the time in my stress cycle that I whip out the 4-mile long to-do list, extend its length my a factor of 5, and start slowly and methodically chopping it down. It will be a while before I make my way through the mire of the frustration and resulting stress that I am in the midst of at the moment, but I WILL start to methodically climb my way out of this muck and find my sanity once again.

I have faith that my freedom is just around the corner and the "clear skies" will last at least long enough for me to optimistically plan for my next cycle of workload/work-life stress--summer classes!